Allen Michael Beckett has been charged with aggravated assault and battery, accused of causing extensive damage to another man’s scrotum just because he wore a University of Texas shirt into a local bar.

Allen is accused of having launched a verbal attack on Brian Thomas when the other man walked into Henry Hudson’s Pub on June 17th.

Henry Hudson’s Pub is apparently a big OU hangout spot.

Thomas said Beckett, whom he had never met, called him “everything under the sun” for wearing a Longhorns T-shirt into the bar.

He said he and his friend sat at a table in the corner and tried to ignore the other man, but other man — who apparently is a University of Oklahoma fan — kept screaming at him.

That is because Oklahoma Sooner fans are CLASSY.

Thomas said he decided he’d had enough after about 20 minutes of Beckett’s abuse so he went to the bar to pay his tab. When he turned around, he said Beckett grabbed his crotch and refused to let go.

Thomas hit the other man several times before several bar patrons intervened, but Thomas said Beckett didn’t let go until Thomas heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg.

“He could see both of his testicles hanging on the outside of his body,” said Thomas’ attorney, Carl Hughes. “He was wearing a pair of white shorts, which made it that much worse.”

It took more than 60 stitches to close the wound, and police interviewed Thomas at a nearby hospital emergency room.

Thomas, who grew up a Texas fan, said it took more than 60 stitches to close his wound.

Couple things here. First off, if some drunk Sooner fan won’t shut his mouth after 20 minutes of rambling on, then it is your duty to go over and knock him cold on his ass. I would have told him to shut the fuck up after about 30 seconds and then proceeded to drop the hammer on him.

Secondly, I don’t care what you have to do, but if you let a guy latch on to your sac, you better start throwing elbows, chairs, stab them with a fork, you do whatever it is to get your boys back into your possession. You then immediately beat the shit out of them, and possibly tea bag them as they are laying there motionless.

Last, you can institute the “Monkey Steals The Peach” method and return the favor.

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