Just landed in Denver and it’s fucking cold. Snow everywhere and my rental is a rear-wheel drive Crown Vic™. Perfect vehicle for these kinds of conditions. Turned on some sports radio and of course it’s all about Tebow here in Denver. Pretty sure that run comes to and end when they go up to New England. I did see this line on Twitter and had to share it:

We haven’t seen a white bronco this famous since O.J. was cruising down the highway

New England 28 Broncos 14

At the airport this morning heading to scenic Gunnison. Population 5,854. I don’t have high expectations that the scenery in Gunnison will be anything to look at. I’m expecting tons of mountain women with beards like the Amish. Let’s hope I’m wrong.

On a 6:30am flight this morning from San Diego to Minneapolis, then over to Madison. Never been to Madison before. Anyone have a spot they recommend to get a good bite to eat or a place where I can get my NYC Creeper Cam™ fired up?

Looks like its time to open up the H8torade remote office in Amsterdam. I can write my flights off as a business expense when it comes time to file my taxes and even slip in the daily occasional blowjob from an Amsterdam hooker.

Though 100 euros is pretty steep. As of right now, that’s about $142 cold ones in the U.S. Pretty sure I can go to my local Rub n Tug™ and slip her an extra $20 spot to get some Asian release.

(CBS News) The Transportation Security Administration defended on Sunday the actions of its airport security officers at a northwest Florida airport after the agency came under criticism for requiring a 95-year-old woman to remove her adult diaper during a pat down. The incident took place June 18 at Northwest Florida Regional Airport near Pensacola, Fla., while Jean Weber of Destin, Fla., escorted her mother, who suffers from leukemia, to Michigan to live with family members before moving into an assisted living facility, CNN reports. “She had a blood transfusion the week before, just to bolster up her strength for this travel,” Weber told CNN. Weber didn’t identify her mother to the cable news network. While going through the airport’s security checkpoint, a TSA officer performed a pat down on Weber’s mother, Weber told CNN. After an officer felt something “suspicious” on her leg, Weber’s mother was taken into a private room for further inspection. The officer then told Weber that her mother’s Depend undergarment was soiled and prevented a complete pat down from being done. The officer asked for it to be removed, which Weber did in a restroom. “It’s something I couldn’t imagine happening on American soil,” Weber told the Panama City News-Herald Friday. “Here is my mother, 95 years old, 105 pounds, barely able to stand, and then this.” Weber told CNN her mother worked as a nurse for 65 years and “was very calm” during the inspection. Weber told the News-Herald that she filed a complaint with the Department of Homeland Security soon after the incident. She talked with a department employee June 22, who told her that the security officers followed their procedures during the search. The TSA released a statement Sunday to CNN: “While every person and item must be screened before entering the secure boarding area, TSA works with passengers to resolve security alarms in a respectful and sensitive manner,” the federal agency said. “We have reviewed the circumstances involving this screening and determined that our officers acted professionally and according to proper procedure.”

Nice work TSA. I feel alot safer knowing that a 95 year old grandmother who shit herself was deemed a security risk. Patting down 6 year old’s and now making people take off their diaper is a great use of taxpayer money.

All these GED wielding degenerates who went from making french fries at Mc D’s to now sniffing panties in your luggage need to be fired. How many terrorists are 90 years old and named Betty?

Idiots. You’re suppose to search the ones who wear their diapers on their heads. Not on their asses.

ABC News – A Southwest Airlines pilot was suspended without pay after his cockpit microphone became stuck open and an obscenity-laced rant about the physical attributes of flight attendants was broadcast across the entire Texas airspace. Houston TV station KPRC obtained a recording of the audio in which the pilot bashed gays, women, “grannies” and overweight people. The conversation took place at about 7:30 a.m. CT on March 25 and was broadcast over the Houston air traffic control radio frequency, blocking communication between air traffic controllers and other pilots for more than two minutes. On a flight from Austin to San Diego, the pilot first complained about flight attendants he worked with in Chicago. “There’s 12 flight attendants, individual, never the same flight attendant twice. Eleven (expletive) over the top (expletive), (expletive) homosexuals and a granny,” the pilot said. “Eleven. I mean, think of the odds of that. I thought I was in Chicago, which was party-land.” “After that, it was just a continuous stream of gays and grannies and grandes…” The co-pilot’s response was inaudible, but the pilot reacted saying, “”Well I don’t give a (expletive). I hate 100 percent of their (expletive).” He then turned to bashing Houston flight attendants. “Now I’m back in Houston, which is easily one of the ugliest bases. I mean it’s all these (expletive) old dudes and grannies and there’s like maybe a handful of cute chicks,” he said. The air traffic controller in Houston unsuccessfully attempted to interrupt the trash-talking and tried to cover the pilot’s words with beeps. “OK, whoever is, uh, transmitting, better watch what you’re saying,” the controller said. Air traffic controllers submitted the tape to FAA officials the same day. The FAA then turned the recording over to Southwest Airlines after deducing that the pilot was from a Southwest flight. “The incident occurred during a phase of flight in which personal conversations are permitted in the cockpit. Nevertheless, the FAA expects a higher level of professionalism from flight crews, regardless of the circumstances,” the FAA said in a statement. Southwest would not release the name of the pilot, “since it is a personnel issue.” He has since returned to work.

Updated:

We’ve got audio!

Click here to view the embedded video.

I fly Southwest about 3-4 times a month and I can say that the “talent” on-board has gone down quite a bit. Don’t get me wrong. Their service is awesome and the flight attendants who are gay do a pretty decent job of not being over-the-top with it. Unlike another airline I flew where the flight attendant was so gay that he literally deep throated the red inflatable tube on his life vest during the demonstration.

More of this is always a good business model……

Finally made it into Colombia tonight. 5 hour flight from the ATL and a quick run through immigration once I landed and I was on my way to the hotel. The amount of tail in this place is unbelievable. There was a chick with a waist to ass ratio that was off the charts….pants looked like they were painted on and a turd cutter that was perfect. I almost broke out my phone and snapped a pic but I thought it would be a little awkward snapping a pic with 200 people staring at me – plus the Policia™ don’t want you using your phone while your waiting in line at the immigration station.

I’ve got to work a little bit tomorrow morning but am gonna hit the city around noon and go check some shit out. Will try and snap some pics of the local talent and upload later tomorrow.

The Davalos Twins….one of Colombia’s finest exports

Packing my bags right now and am flying out tomorrow morning to Bogota. Gonna spend 4 days there and will try and blog when I can, but I’ll be pretty busy chasing tail with work.

I’ve got two goals from this trip. Don’t lose my kidney to the black market and avoid getting my ass shoved full of heroin balloons.

I also plan on making Sandra Valencia my wife while I’m down there. Wish me luck.

Nothing puts a smile on my face like having to wake up at 4am to catch a 6:50am flight out to Portland. The account executive who scheduled a 1pm meeting today is gonna get a foot in his ass. I’m taking suggestions for strip clubs and places to eat in Portland. Don’t send me to some shit hole.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Balls. Of. Steel.