As a kid, I thought it would be cool to work at the zoo. Feed the giraffes….fuck around with the lions….do the fun stuff. Stroking off an elephant wasn’t on that list. Do you draw straws for this? This guy was obviously a pro so maybe he willingly volunteers to treat the elephants prostate like a punching bag.

And PETA has the balls to say that animals aren’t being treated fairly. Did you see the look in that elephants eye when he was getting beat off. I thought they were going to roll into the back of his head.

Wired – Spain has a pigeon problem, and some cities are recruiting private pigeon catchers to trap the rats-with-wings using special net catapult devices. The technique involves two people and a catapult-sprung net device. One person feeds the pigeons to make sure that they are gathered neatly into a small space, while the other angles the net catapult. Once the birds are in place, the net is released over the birds to trap them before they can fly away. Barcelona city council has declared pigeons to be a “plague” and has issued a tender to catch and cull 65,000 of them over the next 18 months — 25 percent of the pigeon population. This represents a significant markup from last year’s already-impressive cull of 40,000 pigeons. The birds have been singled out for spreading diseases and for causing damage to buildings thanks to their highly corrosive droppings which can damage stone architecture. Most culling methods involve nets and cage traps in the busiest areas and then asphyxiation with carbon dioxide.

I’m actually good with this. These bastards always make it a habit to shit on you at the worst time. On your way to meet a hot chick, bird shit. Just got done spending 2 hours washing and waxing your ride, bird shit. I’m just waiting for PETA to setup shop in Spain and throw bird shit all over themselves in protest.

San Onofre State Beach, CA – A Dana Point surfer says he was a bit nervous about two great white sharks circling his paddleboard off the San Onofre coast this week. But Chuck Patterson, 41, captured one of the sharks on video, dipping a camera beneath the surface with a 10-foot pole as they swam around the board he was standing on.”I’ve been wanting to do that forever,” Patterson said Thursday. He’d seen sharks in the same area the day before, he said, thinking they might be mako sharks. So he returned on Tuesday with his camera. “Within five minutes, I was pleasantly surprised to see a pretty big, 9-foot great white,” he said. “I was on a 12-foot board. He was just a couple of feet shy of that.” Then, he said, came the scariest moment. “I startled it, it startled me,” Patterson said. “It slammed its tail fin on my board and took off. I had a little moment of clarity — if it was a good idea to be out there.” The shark circled him once more, then swam away, he said. “It seemed like a minute later, another shark came that was smaller,” he said. “That one hung out for 10 or 12 minutes. That was like a 7 or 8 foot great white. That was the great white that was on the video.” Patterson felt some initial fear, but he said he nearly forgot it as he concentrated on capturing the video.

I’d probably be concentrating on not releasing my bowels if I had a 9ft great white looking to make a meal out of me. There are two things in life that you probably don’t want to fuck with – Chuck Norris and sharks.

Parenting at its finest. Why the hell you would let your kids play in the water when you can obviously see that shit washing up on shore is beyond me. An automatic nominee for “Parent of the Year”.

And talk about one of the laziest moms I’ve ever seen. She obviously doesn’t want any part of the oil on her, but has no problem giving a real half-ass attempt to scrape it off her kid with a toy shovel. If I was that kid, I would have picked up that shovel and smacked her right in her fat ass for being such a lazy broad.

Oh but wait, she came packed with Goo Gone™. Let’s go swimming kids!

Just wait until a hurricane decides to roll through the gulf and just start dumping oil over everyone and anything.